You've made it a full day without a cigarette. It was suprisingly easy. A little temptation, but nothing too bad. You think, "Hey! I can quit, this is a cakewalk."
You've made it two days without a cigarette. The physical withdrawal kicks in. You're telling yourself how proud you are to be fighting off these newfound ubercravings. Everyone around you smokes, and offers you a cigarette, figuring you're out. You kindly decline, wanting to punch yourself in the gut.
You've made it three days without a cigarette. All your friends are over. They're smoking. That one that doesn't smoke? They have a cigar. You're drinking heavily. You figure now that your lungs are getting cleaner it's time to fuck over that liver of yours. Maybe you can drink the cravings away. At drink number four, you realize how nice it was to drink and smoke at the same time. Numbly staring into space, the whole party passes you by, occasionally coming to to reassure friends that, yes, you are fine.
You've made it four days without a cigarette and you're not sure whether this was worth it. what the hell were you thiniking? you LOVE to smoke. Where's the fucking cigarettes. I want a god damn cigarette god damn it fuck fuck fuck FUCKING SHIT. You're shaking, your heart is racing with adrenaline, but it's not pleasent energy. No, it's pumping sheer superhuman rage through you, giving you the ability to rip someone's head off through sheer willpower.
You've somehow made it five days without a cigarette. The physical cravings are gone. Which would be great, but the emotional cravings have taken it up a notch. You miss the physical cravings. Your body acting stupid gave you extra willpower to fight this damn battle. Well, guess what? Willpower and emotional cravings share the same place in your brain. You're tempted hard. someone left a pack open on the table. You reach down and smell the menthol, just to smell it. Mmmm... Maybe no one would notice if you... Fuck. Someone's coming. Maybe they have cigarettes?
You've made it six days without cigarettes. You decide to blog about it, since, hell, you can't focus your mind to get anything else done.
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3 comments:
My response is here.
If it's what you really want, keep at it, and I'll do my best to make it easier. With boobs.
For what it's worth, it does get easier...and then, about 2 weeks into the process, it gets incredibly difficult. All of those emotional cravings that you thought went away? No such luck. They just made a tactical retreat to regain strength and stage a coupe when you least expect it. I can report, with some certainty, that there will come a day when you go for hours at a time without even thinking of smoking and when you do the thought will be "I'm glad I'm not doing that anymore" instead of "Sweet Mother of Jesus what made me think that this was a good idea?" or "I kant ... plz - I NeEd...AHHH!!!" I'm about 6 weeks into the process and haven't killed anyone yet so I'm hopeful. Be warned though - sometimes you are just innocently looking for a little entertainment by reading some blogs and it all come crashing down....Thanks. Thanks alot.
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